203

I hope things keep up at this pace for a while! I haven't even been walking and everyday when I weigh, I'm down a pound or two.
Last night was hard.. I kept going into the kitchen and opening the fridge or the cabinet and walking out. I knew I could eat certain things but those were NOT the things I wanted at that time.. I don't usually like cereal but I wanted some pretty bad lol.. I wound up eating a fun-size Almond Joy and two Weight Watcher approved Jellos. It helped. Next time I'll just go straight for the jello since those are allowed since they are zero carbs and only ten calories each.
I've been planning a wedding again. I have a whole new theme and I'm excited about it. We won't be going to the Justice of the Peace anymore. I want a real wedding and I will have one! My new theme is Beauty and the Beast. The place that I want to get married will be perfect for the theme! I'm hoping for late February but I can't book the place until we have the money so I'm not sure I'll get the date I want yet or not. Either way, it will be next year. I have been working on ideas and collecting little pictures for inspiration. Instead of numbering the tables at the reception, I will be naming them. My guest list is 56 including us and the babies but I'm not seating the little babies at specific chairs so I will have five tables aside from the head table. The table names are Belle, Cogsworth, Lumiere, Enchanted Rose, and Mrs. Potts. The escort table will just be kinda forest themed. I will post a picturte of the inspiration for each table..

I want to play "Tale as old as Time" when everyone is finding their table at the reception to set the mood. I think it will be neat.
I want to make "Be our guest" invitations too!
Exciting!! 

211

Started the Atkins diet today.
I had broccoli and beef from Chinatown Cafe that was left over from last night for breakfast,
a Taco Salad from Taco Bueno for lunch, and a homemade chicken salad for dinner with strips of fajita chicken and spinach leaves and ranch mixed with hot sauce. It was sooo good!
I just tried diet cherry 7-up and I love it.. PLUS, it's pink! Yay!
I rewarded myself with a Little Debbie that was within my carb allowance for the day.
Tomorrow I will try to do without the Little Debbie. lol
Tomorrow I will also start walking! I'm excited!!!
I feel so hopeful..

Church

My little bazinga of the day.. "No, I don't go to church. Church comes to me."
My doggie is a fucking rock star! I'm so pleased. We have been working with him on the leash since he hated it and was afraid of it at first and, already, he's walking like a pro. He stays by my side and stays "in the zone" as Ceasar would say. He did get distracted once on our walk today by a butterfly. A little, yellow butterfly flew past and he really wanted it lol.. It distracted me too so that's okay haha..
I'm working on getting him to stop without me pulling the leash when I stop and I was so impressed with how fast he caught on that I have also incorporated sitting when we stop. He's doing so well!!
We walked to the bus stop and Drue was really happy that I brought him.
I'm pretty sure he thinks that I'm the boss and Michael is his love buddy. He's such a greeter. He loves to meet and greet people when they come over. He's such a sweet dog!

Barrel

I'm so excited about getting a new dog. I am going to try to FORCE myself to walk him every day! That is my motivation to get my own ass out walking. I bonded with Mudd today, teaching him things that I've learned to teach dogs lol.. I'm so excited with all of the things I have learned about dogs recently. I know that I am better equipped to deal with a dog now. I have to keep reminding myself not to take things they do personally. That sounds so ridiculous but it's true. I have narrowed down my problem and that is it. Instead of seeing the dog as a dog, I always expect it to have common courtesy for me like a human would and I get mad at the dog when I shouldn't. It isn't good for me or the dog for me to get angry. I can't wait!!
I've decided on a name and it is Barrel. I can't wait to meet him!

cereal and goldfish

I am losing my mind today. Yesterday, I felt calm and happy and today the kids are making me crazy. Drue just spilled his tea all over the keyboard. Obviously it is still working but he knows he isn't supposed to have drinks outside of the kitchen. They have pulled all the couch cushions off and poured cereal and goldfish in the couch. I'm stressed... boo!
I feel like I have completely lost my stride. All the work I got done yesterday feels like it was for nothing. The kids are doing their best to destroy the house today.
I think I need to go to bed early tonight and get back on track with the house tomorrow. I don't think I have it in me today. It's hard to go to bed early when Michael doesn't get home until eleven. I feel like I never see him if I don't stay up and spend time with him at night.
The mouse is messing up now.. it was soaked in tea also.
Stresssssssing!!

happy here

 Hung out with my brother last night and it was nice. I also got to drink Amaretto Sours!.. and learn how to make them. Yay! Five is too many. Gave me a bad headache.

 I came home after and watched This is 40 with Michael. Good movie but not as good as I thought it would be. Still worth the watch though.
 Been cleaning house and baking muffins today. Everything is happy here.
 I have been drinking only water today. I want to lose weight so badly. I really have to learn not to eat just because I am bored. So I've been trying to stay busy today instead. So far, so good.
I did eat three fun size candy bars but I'm still doing better than I usually do.
 I want to dance today!
I can't wait for Katie to have the baby so we can start dancing again. I hate to dance alone. 

 That's about it! Toodles!

Gosh

I just finished cleaning the house in preparation for my sweet boy's two days off. Tomorrow I have to go grocery shopping and get the stuff for our "family craft night". Gosh, I always feel so good and guilt-free after cleaning. The kids helped pick up their toys and shoes and things this time. It was nice to have help. They can be such sweet faces sometimes. At first, I wasn't crazy about having a dishwasher because I didn't think I'd use it but when the dishes have piled up, it's really nice to have... and I love the sound.
I have done a good job of eating less today and just got off the phone with Michael and turned down an offer for fast food. Go me! I'm just going to eat a Lean Cuisine and try to stay on track with this.
I swear, every time I sit down to blog, Hank wakes up and screams at me and I have to cut it short! Grr!

gypsy-ish

There are some bluebonnets growing in my yard... a happy little surprise.
I am sitting in my room with the fan on, window open, lights off and a candle lit. I think the fact that the window is open at night and I am home alone speaks volumes for how much better my anxiety issues have gotten. I am drinking ice water from this beautiful little cup that Katie bought at Big Lots. I had to steal it for a while because it makes me happy to drink from it. It's orange and see through and has a nice little antique feeling design on it. I can't properly describe the cup but it's a happy cup for sure.
Drinking water also makes me happy. When I drink water I feel clean inside.
Katie gave me some fake flowers to put in my room. I want my room to look gypsy-ish (?) but I don't think I can afford to do it the way I want. So.. for now, I am just collecting things that make me happy to put in it.
I am going to make rain chains to hang outside of my window. I am also going to try to find a way to hang a wind chime outside my window to where it will actually chime and not just fall against the house. lol
It weirds me out how much of a peace freak I have become. I used to like chaotic and cluttered surroundings. It's really bothering me that there is a red squiggly line under the word "weirds".. it's so a word in my vocabulary and that it the proper spelling lol! Now there are two squiggly lines.. boo!
Anyway..
Hank is asleep on my "bed" and Kaylee fell asleep in the living room watching a movie. Drue is next door with Devin. I'm so proud of Devin for how well he's been taking care of his room. He has all his things in drawers and it's just so sweet. It gets messy from time to time but for the most part, he's doing so well.
Drue and Kaylee do a great job with their room too.. if only they would do the same in the kitchen and living room! I think they assume that is my job, even if it's their mess. We'll have to work on that! Michael loaded the dishwasher the other night without me asking him to. Yay!
I am going to buy a humidifier for my room. I can't stand waking up with a dry throat every morning. It's really affecting my voice! I feel like I am starting to sound like an old lady. I plan to try to quit smoking soon and "steaming" every night. I want to do that for my face anyway and I think it will be good to clear out my throat and sinuses.

XANAX

I went to my mom's and got a xanax earlier.. MUCH better!
I feel amazing.. I gave myself my own bedroom. The computer room is now where I will be sleeping and relaxing by myself. I need to buy more candles...
The best part of it is the window.. the air really comes in and the neighbors are ALWAYS doing laundry so it's yummy smelling air! I can hear the cars on McKinney and it's really calming. All of it :)
My bed is the couch but I took the back cushions off and put sheets on it. My comforter is in the washer right now. I am going to sleep so well tonight!
It's pretty weird to me how much energy I got after taking a xanax.. I usually crash.
UGH! Haddie is sitting under the desk and she just farted and it smells awful..
Someone is coming to get her tomorrow. The lady said she's in love with her and she'll send pictures and that she promises she will be very loved where she is going. So all sounds good to me and I'm glad to be dog free soon.
That's all for now, folks!

yay.

I have lost my mind and cut my hair more and completely ruined it. Yay.
I am so depressed. I can't do anything to shake this. I am sitting here, stuck.. feeling numb and scatterbrained. I don't know what I am even saying. My arms are shaky and I think I'm panicking for no reason. Fuck.. blah.

Goals for this year..

Walk more!
Spend more time outside! (in the rain?)
Start a garden!
Get married! (Just do it already!)
Eat more fruit and veggies!
Drink more water!
Find ways to be a better mom!
Start "family Saturdays"!- Eat out for breakfast and then spend the day away from home, even if it's just going to the park.
Try to be more controlling of my temper!
Find things to be happy about when I look in the mirror!
Read more!
That is all for now.. if this list gets too long, I won't be able to keep up! :)
This year is already better than last year and I plan to keep it that way!
Lots of !!!!! exclamation marks!!!!

nothing to do

It's been a long day of boredom. Michael won't turn off the tv to spend any time with me. Seriously! I have asked him multiple times. Also.. I want to help out a friend and offer them a place to stay for a while so they can get back on their feet and he won't allow it. He's being weird today. He's acting like I have changed and I'm being weird but it's so him.. blah! The only thing that helps me feel better is helping other people feel better a lot of the time. He's acting like a stingy, selfish jerk to be honest. I keep asking him to just spend time with me and he is ignoring me. I think I'm on some kind of high today.. I have this crazy energy today.. to the point where I am shaky even. I am also feeling very angry today.. I don't know which is fueling which but they are definitely working together lol!
I need some kind of release... or escape.. or whatever.. I don't know what I need but I'm going stir crazy in this house. I went to Katie's and stayed for two minutes after helping her clean up some toys haha.. I'm losing my mind with nothing to do. I guess it's time to blast some music and clean my own house.. toodles!