no more

Feeling really broken down lately. I'm tired of my world. I need a new perspective or something.
It's weird how comforting I find it looking into other people's lives on Facebook...
but then I feel really empty afterwards. I don't know. I have all that I need to have the best life but I feel like I am not taking advantage of it and being the best that I can.
I think I am going to let the internet get shut off. I don't need it and I am so much happier when I don't have it. I fill my days better and feel better at the end of the day.
I need to quit comparing my life to other people's. It's pointless. I should just be living mine. It's sad that I can't just control how often I get online but I can't so I think it's time to let it go. Being bored is good for me because it gets me off my ass and living. When I have the internet, I just sit down and try to find something to do on the computer and my day passes without feeling like I've done anything.
I need to stop smoking and staying up all night too.
Time to make some real changes! Not just for myself but for Michael and the kids. I haven't been my best for them. It makes me feel really guilty when I let myself think about it. No more..

Photo idea

This is sweet! I want a picture like this for sure! It will look much cuter with Michael wearing jeans!

Groom and Groomsmen

Ummm! Yummy! Definitely going with Wranglers! I want Michael to wear a hat but I'm not sure I want all the boys wearing hats.. I don't want anyone to look like they are wearing a costume. I think Michael and Gary will wear hats and no one else. I already know Michael wants to anyway. I love the vests though! So cute!

Flower Girl

I am making Kaylee's dress just like this but using brown and a cream color and adding some halter straps so that it doesn't fall down.

And a simple basket like this. 

Bouquets

I like this bouquet. I was considering not doing bouquets at all and going with lanterns or something but I actually like this. Pretty antique colored roses and adding wheat and maybe tying it all together with rope.

Bridesmaids

I like the look of this! All different dresses but similar colors with belts and boots. That way each girl can choose a dress that they are comfortable in and I just think it's cuter for each girl to have a different dress. I'd want each girl to have different boots too.. either cowboy boots or boot heels if cowboy boots aren't your thing. I like the ruffles too!

Wedding stuffs

New wedding plans. Since I want to be stress-free on the big day and to save money, I have decided to rent out the bowling alley on University for my reception. I am going to ask Joel to DJ and that way we can also karaoke later on in the evening. I think it will be more fun this way too. People can bowl, play pool, dance, sing.. I am not paying for a ton of alcohol so this way, there's a bar there so people can drink if they'd like. I have read that it is tacky to ask people to pay for their own drinks at a wedding but I don't think anyone will mind it who will be attending. Everyone knows we aren't rich. I had the idea to make out my own drink tickets and pay ahead of time for a certain amount of drinks so that way you just turn in your ticket to the bartender and the first drink or two will be paid for already. I'm not sure yet. Anyway.. I thought of the idea because I saw a girl on my friend list who's sister had an after party at the bowling alley and I couldn't quit stressing about the reception. I figured why not just do that for the reception? I looked online and they don't offer any packages for that sort of thing but I am just going to call and ask to rent the whole place and see what can be done.
 I was telling Katie how I thought it would be cute to have the guests sign a bowling pin to have a cute little reminder of our wedding and she was like "that is also where y'all met!" It never even occurred to me until she said that. We met there, had our first kiss there in the parking lot a few weeks later.. and that is also where I saw Michael before we ever met for the first time and said to Katie "that  is the guy I am going to marry." I can't believe it didn't occur to me while I was planning all of this out. I must be dumb lol! So.. although I didn't realize this, so I can't take credit for it.. that place has a lot of special meaning to us. It's perfect!
I'm so happy! I have been looking at bridesmaid dresses and found one that I like but can't decide on a color. Since I'm not having a real reception, I have kind of let go of the Beauty and the Beast thing so now that I am free to choose any color, I can't make  up my mind. I have been looking at wedding party pictures to see which colors appeal to me. The colors I like aren't available with the dress I like though. I will probably find a different dress all together. I definitely know which dress I want though. It hasn't changed since last year. I looked and looked and kept coming back to it. It's just so my idea of the perfect wedding dress. It is way cheaper than last year too! It's only $200 and something bucks! I can't believe it is so cheap seeing as how it is the prettiest wedding dress I have ever seen! lol
Another reason that I want to save money by switching to the bowling alley is so that we can afford to have a professional photographer at the ceremony. If I'm going to be a wedding planner, I figure I should have some good pictures of my own wedding to show off lol.
My original plan was a wedding package through UNT that included ceremony and reception venues, a caterer and cake for fifty people that would have cost a little over $5,000. I don't want to have to keep my guest list to under fifty and I don't want to spend that much when I'd also have to decorate which would cost a ton to do the way I'd like. So it isn't worth it to me. Bowling alley all the way!
The ceremony will be at the Little Chapel in the Woods which is adorable! I am so in love with it! It's not expensive either. If I had a working mouse I would insert a picture here.. dang it!
So anyway.. we'll have the ceremony and then have everyone head over to the bowling alley while we take pictures and then go to the bowling alley where Joel will introduce us and announce our first dance.. I want to get the dance out of the way right away since people may be bowling and such.. we'll eat pizza and Katie and Michael's step dad will make speeches and then cut the cake. I'm not interested in throwing the bouquet or garter bullshit. I just want the cake to be the end of the "have-to-do" list and just enjoy the rest of the night. Except for the sparkler exit for when me and Michael leave lol.. I'm so cheesy but the sparklers are a must! I think it's so sweet when people see the bride and groom drive away and sparklers are so pretty and festive and happy. So that is that.. thems my plans.